Wednesday, September 30, 2009
As much as I love the Biggest Loser, its terrible for my self esteem, yet inspiring all at the same time. I mean good lord these folks are running around losing 30-40 lbs in two weeks!!! I'm just trying to lose that much in 2 months! However, I do love the fact that it motivates me to get my ass in the gym and push through a work out. I think of it this way, if these people can go from off the couch at 400lbs there's no reason why I cant get my butt up and do an hour on the treadmill!
Speaking of gyms, I weighed myself yesterday and my starting weight is 177. Ugh!!! I hate the fact that I gain weight so quickly!!! I also lose it relatively quickly once my body realizes that I've regained my sanity so I suppose that its not all bad. I just hate that I let myself gain 17lbs in such a short time!!! Damn you Indian food, alcohol, and big big ass burritos!! I'm honestly not even worried or focused on that because its a starting point, everybody has to begin or rebegin somewhere right?! What is most important is the focus upon the end result.
So, my new goal in raw life is to figure out how to make amazing raw ice cream sandwiches without an ice cream maker. I know how to make banana ice cream, but that's a whole different situation. I think I want to have a raw dessert party soon!
On another completely random note I really need to stop playing around when it comes to school!!! I cant seem to bring myself to actually focus on by reading for longer than five minutes. Its driving me crazy! Especially since I have two papers and a research paper proposal due. For a Libra I am extremely unbalanced. I feel as though the more I'm beginning to grow emotionally and spiritually, and the more disciplined I become in regards to my health... the more I'm slacking in school... Now let me make myself clear, when I say slacking, I'm getting the work done.. kinda, but its about the same amount of me getting stuff done as it was in undergrad... I still dont understand how my GPA was as good as it was then. However, I want to hold myself to a higher standard, but at the moment my head just isn't in it. I know that a lot of it is because I went in expecting San Francisco State and got SUNY.. which of course logically makes sense. Every department is different. I guess I never realized how much of a believer in Afrocentrism I am until it was missing, completely from the curriculum!... ok let me not say completely, I may be wrong its only been five weeks. I just need to get over myself and begin to dig deeper so that I can get my school work done and make time to do my own research and study things that I can relate to.... its all about organization.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
I've been away for a while. I know that consistency has never been my strong suit but I'm working on it. Life is about the journey right? Well I have decided to challenge myself once again to go 100% raw for 60 days starting today . I've had a lot going on in my life since I've last posted... I broke up with my bf, quit my job, became a certified raw chef, started grad school and moved to Albany, Ny. Since moving to Albany, I've found myself slipping into a rather unhealthy lifestyle that I'm not a big fan of. I've been drinking alot more and eating alot more cooked food... neither of which are the business. It has been a major culture shock living out here. I dont know many people that are vegetarians, vegans or raw. There is little support in the community and not a single vegetarian resturant which stuns me. But now, I need to get over it and get back to being primarily raw again. I miss that, I feel so out of control here and I've started regressing into the habits I've formulated through having an ED. I'm gaining quite a bit of weight ( ok maybe I'm the same size as I was in march... I'm not sure at the moment) and my asthma is beginnning to become a problem. I dont want to have to depend on albuterol or any other inhalents so I'm realizing that cooked food just isn't for me. My body is not happy with it. So, I'm going to go raw until 2010...yes 100% raw. 94 days, its on!... I know it may seem crazy, but I need to do this for myself so that I can develop my own focus and self-discipline.... which is something that I know I need to work on. Also, I've decided that I'm not going to be bulemic or any variation thereof for the rest of my life. I'm tired of it. So, I've been 3 days ED free thus far and it feels good. I know that having this blog will keep me accountable. In addition to going raw, I'm working towards growing out my hair by not doing anything with it outside of washing and twisting it on a weekly or bi weekly basis.
My goal is to post a minimum of three times a week and although this is a blog thats focal point is my raw journey, I plan on just allowing this space to be my outlet to emotionally detoxify because all of that is apart of the process. So honestly, anything on my mind is fair game. I'll be posting pictures from time to time so I can see whether or not I'm making progress. I'm not quite sure what I weigh right now, I'm going to the gym in the next couple of hours so I will check when I go today and update. I'm also going on a water fast today. I'm aiming for 5 quarts by the end of the day which is a gallon and a quart. I need to clean my body out a bit which will allow me some time to meal plan and figure out how I am to navigate the next few months. I'm really hoping that my asthma subsides within the first week or so. I hate the feeling of not being able to breathe fully... but I refuse to make myself dependent upon western medicine.
Ok, So here it goes, this is the first day of the rest of my life.... baby steps in the right direction. Wish me luck!